Just when I start to think "I've got it all figured out, I know where I'm  going, I know what I'm doing". Work has finally started to calm down, I've gained my footing and I'm feeling less stress. (Notice I said less stress not no stress.)  I like evryone one I work with, OK so not everyone but the vast majority.  Some of whom I couldn't make it thru the day without and others that I enjoy seeing and others that are just a waste of space. The children are wonderful and 99% of the parents are amazing.  I'm getting caught up and figuring out how the wonderful world of education works (behind the scenes).  Life at home has started to come together.  The kids are into the routine and Brent slides in where he's needed to make the evening a little easier on us all.   Dinner is on the table by 6 and the kids in bed by 8 and I am, thankfully, asleep by 10 most nights.  I've found my ground... finally!

Then, seemingly out of no where, the headlights appear in the distance and SMACK!  The Mack truck appears and mows me over.  It seldom fails.  Usually, right on time.  I don't undertsnad it and I have quit trying to figure out why this always seems to happen.... I just know in the back of head that at some point it will happen again.  Usually when least expected and always at the most inopportune time..

This time... it came in the form of a phone call.  One not unlike any of the other calls I take everyday.  My husband calling to tell me he loves me and to make sure I haven't tried to shoot anyone with my stapler.  His tone is a little less casual and a lot more business like. My mind says he's not alone in the car but I soon learn that the call isn't casual at all but all business,  "How do yu feel about moving to Orlando?" My response, "huh?" The question is asked again and followed up with a brief explaination of a sequence of events that have taken place prior to this phone call. All I can manange to say is, "we'll talk about it when we get home."  Que the head spinning and the tummy twirling...  of course, it's 2 in the afternooon and I still have a job to do but all I can think about is Orlando. Go figure.  That thought isn't exactly helpful in dealing with children, boo-boos and emails. 

After getting all the facts, and there weren't all that many to get, it's decided that if it all works out... we're moving to Orlando! And now we wait.... for what felt like a week but was a mere 24 hours, to hear "send us your numbers and we'll see what we can do."  Is this good news or bad news?  I still haven't decided... but we did just that.  We submitted what we would need to get from point A to point B and what kind of salary expectations we had.  Within anoher 24 hours, it's announced that a package was being prepared for us to look over and that we should have it soon.  WTH??? Soon?  How long is soon?  How long does that usually take?  How hard can it be to draft up an offer letter???  What all will be included? Where in Orlando will we live?  I've only really been to Mickey's house and I'm pretty sure there aren't any spaces available in his neighborhood.  Here comes the head spinning thing again...   

This all brings me to right now. I have spent countless hours researching schools, neighborhoods, locations, and houses. I've looked at so many houses that they all look and sound the same now.  We've narrowed the search area down to 5 or 6 general locations versus 15-20.  We've decided that we are really going to need 4 bedrooms instead of just three since Brent will work 100% out of the house and on the road.  We've talked to the children.  One of which is less than thrilled about moving but willing to accept it because well, he doesn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter and he's just that awesome. The other kid, she's ready to go tomorrow if we'll let her.  I have to admire her sense of adventure.  

What to do now.... we wait..... hopfully not for too long.  I'm really not any good at waiting for the unknown.  It's not something I can do with any sort of grace or order.  I hate the feeling of being left out to hang in the wind.  Not knowing which way to turn.   I am so hoping that they don't take forever to come up with their offer.  I really hope that whatever is about to happen, happens quickly.  Like removing a band-aid, the quicker you do it- the less painful it is.  The timing is perfect for a clean break during winter break.  It offers two weeks to get settled into the new place without it feeling like a total whirlwind.... maybe only just a minor afternoon breeze instead.  

I'm ready for the change, I can feel it in my heart.  I have been wanting to get out of this town since the second I stepped foot in it.  Of course, it's still Florida but it's not itty bitty Plant CIty and that is more than fine with me.  There are any people I will miss but, like I said, it's still Florida and Orlando is only an hour away.  An hour away and a completely different world.....

And now, we wait............................................................................................

You know how you just know it's gonna be a good or bad day the second your eyes open in the morning?  Or how you just know when you're finally on the right track after nearly drowning in all the wrong decisions...  I am so there.  I finally feel like I'm getting it right, going int the right direction, and doing the things that I'm supposed to be doing.  I felt conflicted for a long time but now I feel so free.  Free to pursue the things I've wanted in my heart for a long time. Free to say the things I've wanted to say.  Free to be me.  And that is a great feeling!

I'm not going to let my fear hold me back. I have let go of my fear and placed my faith in God.  I know he will lead me to where I need to be and help me to fullfill my heart full of wants.  I pray everyday and My Lord has listened and given me what I needed to break free and live.  He has lead me to a place where I can be me for the first time in a long time, with people who love and accept me for me- My imperfect and sometimes rough around the edges self.  I don't always say the right things at the right times.  I don't always do the right things.  But I always follow my heart and doing the best I can for myself and for others. 

I am happy from the depths of my soul to the tips of my fingers and it is amazing!

For a change of pace this year we decided to check out Cocoa Beach instead of our old stand by Siesta Key.  We had a great time.  We dedcided before we even left the house that we weren't going to the Kennedy Space Center due in part to Marissa's major lack of interest in all things not clothing and music related.  (Have I mentioned she's still only 5?)  But we figured that being a huge tourist mecca, that there would be more than enough to do for 3.5 days. I was a little bummed that it didn't have that beach community vibe.  It felt more like Valrico and there just happened to be a beach behind the strip malls and hotels.  Nothing at all like we are used to when we got to the beach for a day or even a week.  Not that different is bad, it's just different.

 The first day we checked into our hotel (positioned directly behind the Pier) which wasn't directly on the beach but only about a 2 minute walk, but I knew this when I booked it.  Our first night, we walked the pier and the beach just to check stuff out then we opted to have Mexican food for dinner.  Thanks to our Garmin GPS, we found a nice little place where our Asian server spoke little english and had no idea what she was serving.  (This is by no means a crack on Asians I'm sure we can all see the humor in an Asian serving Mexican food) This we found entertaining because everything was just "yes" and "you like more, yes".  The food was good and even Marissa liked their enchiladas. This speaks volumes since she won't eat them from anywhere else.  After dinner we decided on a dip in the hotel pool to let the kids burn some energy before bed.  There is only so much to do in a hotel room when you're under the age of 11.  Little did we know this dip would lead to many more wants of dipping.... but we were at the beach.  I don't know about you but I don't go to the beach to swim in a pool. I can swim in a pool at home.

 The next morning, I was the first one up (a shock, I know).  We grabbed a quick cup of coffee and some donuts (super healthy and nutritious) and headed down to the beach.  Warning to anyone that hasn't been on this beach, the sand is about the same temp as the sun's surface.  Growing up going to Santa Monica and Venice, I know that sand does indeed get hot but I don't remember ever feeling like my flesh was melting from my body.  Thankfully, the water was nice and cool (not cold, as Brent was thinking it would be).  The surf was great for boogie and skim boarding and we all had a great day.  My biggest concern was re-applying enough sunscreen on everyone (except myself).  Unfortunately, on day 1 at the beach I had left the camera in the suitcase in the hotel.... (I take full responsibility since we all know it is my job to remember things like this.) not good on my part but I had other things running thru my brain when packing the beach bag. You know, towels- check, sunscreen- check , exrta clothes- check, sand toys- check, boogie boards (2), skim board (1), wax, chapstick, room keys, money, chairs (2), etc.  All of the important stuff.  Just not the camera...  I didn't even think about the camera until Marissa started to really get in the groove on the boogie board.  Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening but I wasn't gonna walk up on the molten lava to go back to the room unless I was staying there.  So, we have mental memories of that day.  One of those memories will always be the massive SONIC BOOM we heard about an hour after we got out in the water.  Everyone froze and started looking at the sky... for what?  I wasn't sure, but we were all looking.  The surfers, the life guards, the kids, the parents, the unparents, everyone!  I never saw what we were supposed to be looking for but we were told it was the space shuttle re-entering the atmosphere.  Pretty cool!  It's all anyone talked about for the rest of the trip.  "Did you get to hear the boom?" was asked by everyone from the cashier at Ron Jon's to the front desk clerk at the hotel. Did I mention that the boom was then followed by 3 Tomahawk helicopters flying very low over head???  Very, very low, I think one of the pilots was blonde and the others brunettes.  Creepy and cool all at the same time.  After 6 hours of soaking up sun and playing in the waves (yes, they have actual waves in Cocoa) the helicopters and the sonic boom, we headed back to the hotel for showers and the great debate over where to have dinner.  We finally decided on a steakhouse about a block from the hotel because we were to recieve a free bloomin' onion if we showed them our room key.  Free appetizers?  We're in!  Another thing no one mentioned about Cocoa Beach was that in every restaraunt, some poor person is forced to walk around and take pictures of everyone as "souvenirs" of their stay, visit, meal, whatever you want to call it.  Shortly after posing for our pic, we over hear that a 23 person wedding party was coming in and being sat about 10 feet from us.  At this point we decided we should maybe put a little rush on our meal and get out of there.  But then, another waiter comes rushing over telling the other servers that they needed to push the tables over because the ASTRONAUTS were coming in too.  Brent and I looked at each other thinking exactly the same thing "Did he really just say the astronauts are coming?  Here?"  So then it was like hurry up and eat to miss the wedding party or slow way down to see the astornauts. Decisions, decisions.  We opted to just take our time and see what happens.  Needless to say, we missed the wedding party and the astronauts.  Not that we would have known the astronauts if we saw them (except that we saw the servers set their table and heard them talking about it).  It's not like they would have been wearing their space suits or anything.  Of course on the way out, we noticed the memorabilia on the walls by the doors that proudly displays that every space team for the last several decades has gone to that steakhouse upon arriving home. It might have helped to notice these pictures upon entering to gain a clue.  Who knew?  We do now.  You'd think that would be a major draw for them and that they'd have a huge plaque on the building, outside, or somewhere.  So, to commemorate our dinner where the astronauts eat, we bought each of the kids a keepsake coin with the shuttle Discovery on it... at Walgreens.  They couldn't have been happier!  After what felt like a really long day we settled into our beds and watched a little of the X Games and that's about the time I started to feel my own lack of sunscreen application.  On my face!  I now look like a raccoon since I was wearing sunglasses for the better part of the day.  There is no amount of makeup in the world that can fix that!  Fortunately, my face was the only thing that took a real bad hit.  The rest of me is just colorful, not painful.

This brings us to Saturday, our 11th wedding anniversary.  A huge day for Brent and I but the kids could not have cared less.  Not that I blame them really.  I never cared about my parents anniversary when I was little either.  But despite sharing our anniversary with the kids (again) we decided to make it an amazing day for all of us.  We went back to the beach first thing in the morning.   There were only about 15 other people there when we got down to the water.  (Yes, the sand was still like lava even at 9am) We played in the water, dug HUGE holes in the sand, burried the kids, I know what you're thinking, if the sand was so hot why were they intentionally burrying thier kids in it?  I did mention that it was OUR anniversary right? (and that the sand is considerably cooler down by the water allowing for such activities. Please don't report us to the police for child endangerment.)  We had a great day and this time I remembered the camera!  After our day on the beach we headed over to Ron Jon's Surf Shop. (I forgot the camera)  Zach was in heaven looking at all the boards (skim, surf and skate) and Marissa was in heaven over all the clothes and sunglasses.  I had never been there and so I of course wanted to look at and touch everything but Brent just wanted to get his bootle opener/key chain and get out.  He gets one from everywhere we go.  Some people collect bells or spoons or snow globes.  Brent collects bottle opener/key chains.  After our trip to the store we decided to visit the surf museum/surf board and beach chair rental place.  It was cool to see the old pictures and even what apeared to be the first surf board known to man but it wasn't much to write home about.  From there we traveled up to Port Canaveral, where all the cruise ships leave from.  We kept trying to show Marissa the big boats but all she could see were buildings.  Or what she thought were buildings from far away but upon closer inspection she decided we weren't crazy or trying to trick her and really saw the cruise ships.  It reminded me of that part of Mall Rats when... never mind.  We drove into Jetty Park and walked down the pier there until we arrived upon the most pungent and foul odor I have ever smelled and quickly returned to the car.   Think canned tuna gone bad... not a good thing.  But the view was amazing!  Our desk clerk from the hotel had told us that we had to have our anniversary dinner at Milliken's Reef in the Port and so we did.  It sits right on the water and we sat next to the window and watched several cruise ships leave port.  (This is the point where Marissa finally saw the boats.)  Dinner was amazing! I can't say enough about how proud I am of our kids and their manners that night at dinner.  They knew they were in a special place for a special reason and they acted like angels.  The only distraction was Marissa's incessant need to check out the bathroom.  I think it's some kind of rule that when you're 5 you need to check out every bathroom of every building and house you visit.  That aside, dinner was better than expected and next we were off to the Planetarium.  (Where Marissa proceeded to check out all of their bathrooms.)  Space is something that Zach and I share a love for and I can't wait for Marissa to get a little older so we can spend a day or 2 at Kennedy Space Center (and not have to say Marissa, come over here! Marissa, get off of that! Marissa, Marissa, Marissa! 10,000 times) So, I thought of going to the Planetarium as a compromise.  I bet you didn't know that Saturday was "National Look at the Moon Day".  Well, it was and we had a great time checking out the views from their humungus telescopes.  There was even a nice guy there with his own telescope that allowed us to sneak a little peak.  (I have to say that his view was better than the one the pros had.)  We even heard that there would be a view of the Hubble Telescope at 8:43 but it was slightly cloudy in the direction that it was supposed to pass and so we look but again, saw nothing.  (First the shuttle now the telescope, I'm thinking NASA is hiding something.) Instead we went inside and played with all the cool stuff and read all about Mars before heading into the theater to watch a presentation about the planets.  Which I must say was WAY COOL!  The screen was like an IMAX screen and it felt like we were floating through space.  AMAZING!  The kids loved it and raved about it for about 45 minutes until we went into the lazer light show set to the music of The Beatles.  Then, that was all they could talk about.  Both shows were awesome but "Lucy in the sky with diamonds" nearly made me puke! Lots of spinning and floating sensations...not so good.  But I was able to pull myself back together and enjoy the show... once all the spinning and trails ended.    This brings us to the close of day 3.  It was a fantastic and memorable day.... even without the camera for the last half.  Again, mental memories!

Our last morning in the hotel, we overslept by about an hour so we had to hurry to get ready and pack.  I think I checked every drawer, counter top, nook and crannie of that room about a dozen times to make sure we weren't leaving any of our treasures behind.  There was no way I was gonna hear about how I forgot a sticker, sea shell or flip flop in Cocoa Beach for the next 15 years.  So I made sure to get it all.  Before leaving, Brent and I decided that we'd drive to Orlando and stop for lunch and maybe a mini adventure to help break up the almost 2 hour drive. Which in kid time is an eternity in the car.  Or at least it was on the way to the beach.  From the hotel to the Orlando airport I wracked my brain for some where cool to eat and some where that we hadn't been.  I thought of The Rainforest Cafe and Planet Hollywood.  Brent liked both ideas so it then became a matter of which one the GPS could get us to, the easiest.  We evidentally don't follow directions well since we couldn't locate The Rainforest Cafe so we ended up at, Planet Hollywood.  You can't miss that place, you can see it from just about everywhere in Downtown Disney! I loved it because I'm a huge movie fan and growing up in LA and Hollywood it was like taking a step back into my childhood when my grandma and I would walk on the stars and go to the wax museum or drive by Tori Spelling's house (not really but we did drive by a few celeb houses and even found the grave of Marilyn Monroe, my personal favorite icon.) The kids liked the fact that Herbie was hanging from the ceiling and that Dorothy's dress was an display and they had chicken fingers coated in Cap'n Crunch.  Zach was having fun with the movie facts and learning about how much money movies really make.  (I tried to tell him that $8 per person really does start to add up.)  After lunch we walked around downtown Disney and even if it was 200 degrees outside we still had fun seeing all the cool "stuff". However, by 3pm we were ready to be home or at least in the truck with the A/C.

 This vacation for me wasn't so much about being on vacation so much as it was about doing things with my kids that they will remember forever. My mom used to take me to the Griffith Park Observatory, to the Santa Monica Pier, and to Hollywood.  I feel like I have now kinda passed that on to my kids.  Just in a different way and in a much different place.  One day, I'll take my kids to the places I've been but in the mean time we've been to places that none of us have been before and places that none of us will forget....even if I did forget the camera...a lot!

Next up, camping!  If I can ever get Brent to agree to doing it MY way....

In between my experience with God and my last blog post, I had the conversation of what I feel I want and need to do next with my husband.  I tried to explain what I was going through and what I felt my next rational step should be.  I told him that I want to be baptised and I want to join the church.  And while my choice in words may not always be correct, especially on the topic of the Bible and the ways and means of Christianity, even my 10 year old got what I was saying.  My husband however, not so much.  Somewhere along the lines, it turnd into a debate of what comes next.  How it turned into a debate, I'm still not sure but both of us being as stubborn as we are started to block out what the other was saying, almost completely.  Since I look up to my husband and look to him for the answers to my questions surrounding religion, I was mortified to have the conversation take such a drastic turn.  My expressing my desires to get right with God and follow the neccessary steps to get where I want to be, I was hoping would lead to an open conversation and him explaining how to go about achieving these goals.  Instead of actually trying to lay out the steps that are to come.  I was told that I was trying to make "too big a deal of it all."  This comment proceeding my comment of how I would like to invite the family that is close by to join us at our church on the day that we join the congregation.  Not a huge imposition I didn't think.  But Evidentally, I was wrong.  I'm not talking a huge party to commemorate the occassion or anything.  Just a few witnesses of which are actually a part of our family with maybe some lunch to follow.  I realize that before doing such a thing we needed to meet with the pastor and go through all of the ceremonial acts before.  I wasn't suggesting that we skip that part.  I was merely expressing my wish to invite a few family memebers to witness it.  That's all.  

So, in the days that have past since this "confrontation" for lack of a better term, I keep asking myself how this entire thing could in anyway NOT be a big deal? It sure feels like a big deal.  And I know I'm new to all of this and I know that when it comes to the Bible , it may as well be written in braile but for me, this transformation is a HUGE deal.  One that I want to share with anyone who will listen and anyone that wants to share it with me.  I'm not trying to boast about my new found relationship with God.  I'm not trying to turn it into a three ring circus, complete with balloons and party favors.  I simply wish to share this day, one that is in my mind, a very important day with people that I love.  If that is making a big deal out of it than so be it,  I, at times, want to shout my joy for this moment from the roof tops.  Is that making it into a "big deal'? 

So, this where I am asking my friends and loved one who know the ropes.  At this moment, from where I stand, what is the next proper step?  I am meeting with our pastor this evening and I'm sure he will be able to shed some light on the subject but I want to know from the general population (primarily my in laws) what am I supposed to do now?  (Yes, there is some urgency in your replies as Brent will be home in an hour and we are to meet with the pastor in an hour and a half.)

Yesterday started as a normal day.  I got up, ran errands, spent time with the kids, all the normal stuff.  As the day went on I began to feel a little emtional. I was being drawn into myself seeing things as a spectator and not a participant.  It felt a little strange but I chalked it up to being exhausted from not sleeping much at all the night before.  At dinner I approached the subject of Wednesday dinner at church and how Brent was feeling about joining the congregation.  He seemed distracted and not interested in the conversation, then almost combative about it.  And instead of fighting back, I simply walked away.  I walked away without saying a word.   Something I seldom do, once I've been prevoked but this time was different.  I wasn't leading myself, I was following someone else.  As I walked away from my husband I felt a rush of emotion and weakness,  volnerability.  All feelings that I tend to supress and hide but at that moment, I couldn't control it. I couldn't do anything.  I lay on my bed and I began to cry.  I cried like I never cried before and soon that cried turned into a sob. And as I sobbed I felt as if my walls were crumbling.  My walls of emotional security that I had build around me my entire life, were being chipped away.  All the things I have been battling with within myself seemed to slip away.  And as I lay there on my bed motionless and sobbing, all I could think about was my God.  All I wanted to say was "Yes, finally, Jesus I have found you! I accept you, I love you.  I want you in my life.  I want to follow in the direction you lead.    Yes, I believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  I believe these things to be true!"  And as I said these things aloud I felt a rush of warm, like new blood was being poured into my body.  And I cried.  I cried tears of joy and happiness.  I felt the warmth of being hugged without the physical touch.  I felt as if I had been wrapped up in the biggest embrace I had ever experienced.  As I lay there unable to get up and only able to cry, I felt renewed, I felt refreshed, I felt at peace. Soon the sobbing turned to silent tears falling down my cheeks but the warmth remained.  The feeling of inner peace and love remained.  A sense of calm took over and the tears stopped.  I continued to lay there motionless and thinking to myself, "this is what you've been looking for, this is what you've been asking for.  Your prayers for direction and slavation have just been answered.  You my dear have just found God."    

My soul has been altered, my life has been changed.  I have changed.  All the things that weighed so heavily are gone.  My mind is clear and my heart is full.  I have found my new direction.  I have found everything I was looking for and I found it in the very last place I ever expected it to be.  In a little church, filled with wonderful people, within a pastor that preaches the Word from his heart, and in a man named Jesus.  He is my Lord and Savior.  I have found him and accepted him.

I will remember that night.  I will remember the feelings I felt. I will remember the tears and I will remember how My life changed forever.  And I will be greaful.. always and forever greatful.

I've talked and written about our journey to the church.  Now let me tell you a little about our journey into the church....

On our first visit, we were greated by the most wonderful people.  People that I felt as if I'd known for years.  Sure I had maybe seen a few around town or in the grocery store before but I don't know any of these people.  All I knew was that they were the most sincerely nice and welcoming people I had ever met.  Sure, anyone can be nice and say how glad they are to meet you.  But the people of this church actually mean it and you can feel that they really mean it.   On our first day we met a lot of people.  We listened to a visiting pastor and he was great.  The message was clear, he was funny and as we prayed together as a group, he asked The Lord "to welcome those who were new to the church" and in that moment I felt a shock of emotion and I thought to myself "He's talking about you. You are welcome here.  You are wanted here."  This was a bit of an emotional thing since when you visit a church you never know how it's gonna go, how you're gonna feel, how the people are going to receive you.  The entire service had gone so much better than I could have imagined and just as we were all getting up to leave, the woman sitting in front of me asked if we were just visiting or actually looking for a church.  I told her we were looking for a church and she said to me with a huge smile on her face "You just found it."  I smiled back and said I hope so.  That night I prayed, and I don't pray very often sodoing this was a big deal. But I prayed that night, I asked Jesus to lead us in the right direction to lead us to the church that we would fit best and one that we could make our home. 

The following day, the pastor called to welcome us and invite us to lunch after the next Sunday service.  We spoke with the pastor several times that week and it felt like we really started to bond with him.  He is a real person, not trying to be perfect and certainly not claiming to be perfect.  He was never pushing us to do anythingjust talking to us and listening to us. He is a wonderful man and his wife is amazing.  With every word she speaks I feel like I've known her forever.  An old family friend or even family.  The two of them have made sure that we feel welcome and have everything we need,  for this I am grateful.  Our lunch with them was wonderful, they are eager to share their love for God and even more eager to teach the word of the Bible.  Any questions we had, they answered and when it was all over, I felt not that I had met a pastor and his wife but that we had made new friends.

In the following weeks, we attended services, met and talked to even more people. I have decided to join the choir and the kids are so excited to go to "The Big House".  It'sall so wonderful.  I cannot say enough about the little church with a big heart. I actually am giddy with anticipation to go to church.  Never in my life have I been so excited to go the church.  But I am. 

Last weekend, we went to lunch with two couples from church.  I have to admit that up until we ordered our drinks, I wasn't sure what to expect.  You never really know what you're gonna get with people.  Many church people around here are very stuffy and put on this front that they are better than you.  But not these people.  We laughed, we joked, we told stories, we had a great time.  Again, these are people we've only just met over the last month and still I felt as if I had known them for years.  It was comfortable, it was entertaining and I could be myself.  My unperfect self and they were more than happy to accept me for me.  Thank you!

So, now I go back to our firt visit to the little church with the big heart and the moment Miss Betty said "You've found it" and I can say without reservation or doubt that I have in fact I have found "it".  I have found a place where I can be me and not be judged.  I have found a place where I feel safe, where I can be open and express myself and be accepted.  I have found a place that draws together some of the most amazing people I have ever met.  These are real people.  They aren't trying to be perfect because we all know that perfection is not attainable but being the best you can be is good enough.  All these people ask is that you give with your whole heart, love without judgement and receieve the word of God with on open heart and mind.  That's all.  I know I can do that and I know that my prayer was answered, I found my place.  I found my home.

Today is the day we find out if Brent will be switching jobs.... I am nervous and excited and stressed out about it.  I haven't decided if I like the idea of the switch or not and I know I won't like the travel part of the new job.  Over the past 6 years I have gotten used to the fact that Brent would usually be home by 7 every night.  Now, there is no telling if we'll see him at all most days.  It's not really a promotion as much as it is an opportunity to showcase more of his abilities.  I'm not even sure what all is required other than lots of travel and a company car.  Whoo-hoo.   That's not to say that in the future there won't be more opportunity within the company because he chose to do this venture but that's also not to say there will be.  I'm told to think of this as more of a long term project than a career move but in my opinion, when you abandon your old position in exchange for a new one regardless of title or duration, it's a career move.  I'm just hoping it's the right move.  I stand behind whatever he chooses to do, that's what a partner does but I can't help but feel a sense of "mother cub" and the need to protect my family.  Something just doesn't feel right about the whole situation.  Or it could be just the unknown of what's to come that's totally freaking me out!  I'm sure that's a huge part of it.  Needless to say I have been stressing all day, at least since I realized the date and I'm not dealing well.  I hate not knowing and I hate waiting for answers to major questions.  This is a decision that could potentially flip my family life... more like my whole life, upside down and I feel as though I have had no part in it... and not for lack of trying.  I have been asking questions and trying to have conversations about the pros and cons of the whole thing and I am feeling a bit shut out.  I know that ulimately, it's not my decision to make but it does involve me and the well being of this family.  I feel like my feelings and thoughts should be at the very least a consideration.  I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens when Brent gets home.  I hope and pray with all my heart and soul that the choice he makes is the right one, not just for him but for all of us.

Update: No decisions have yet been made.  Brent met with another one of the corporate big wigs to discuss the how's and the why's of this position.  The final list of candidates has been sent to the top dog for approval and the announcements should be made either tomorrow or Friday.  After talking to him about this meeting I would say he's probably got the job and now it's just a matter of legistics.  I still don't know how to feel but Brent is amped up about it. We shall see... more to come.

   It's funny how your kids go from your baby to your big kid in the blink of an eye.  Today during lunch, my daughter and I were talking about her day at preschool when all of the sudden, just as she takes a bite out of her pizza, she freaks out and runs to the bathroom.  Curious, I go in after her to see what on Earth the issue was.  Low and behold, she has her first loose tooth!  I was so excited and happy for her but a little sad at the same time.  My daughter on the other hand doesn't really think it's so awesome since it is a little uncomfortable to bite into things now.  I told her all about the Tooth Fairy and how it won't be long until that tooth falls out and how she should be really excited because this means that she really is getting to be a "big girl".  (In her eyes, she is already 12 so this isn't as big of a deal to her, I guess.)  Needless to say, it's been a very dramatic afternoon in my house and it's only 2 o'clock!